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stink, and she had loved them. "She couldn't have loved
something nice like roses. No, gardenias that stink and
peonies that need ants." He looked at Phan and sighed.
"Come here, boy." He held his arm out and Phan
burrowed in. "We'll say hello together, all right?"
They crouched down, and Phan reached out one hand to
touch the dove. "I miss you so much," he whispered.
"You never, ever did anything but love me, and I didn't
know until you were gone how much I valued that."
Noah reached out and put a hand on Phan's shoulder.
"But she knew, hon. She knew. Anyway, she would
never have let you thank her for something that she
thought was so simple."
Phan nodded, but Tobias could feel the tremble in his
shoulders. "It's okay," he whispered. "You can let it
out."
Safe Words: A Deviations Novel - 339
Phan started to say something, but with a shake of his
head, he turned into Tobias' chest instead and swallowed
convulsively. "I'm okay. It's good that we had her, that
we remember her. And it's good that we can come here."
"It is." Tobias swallowed himself and sighed. "She was
my mother's best friend, and then like a mother to me.
She was the one constant in my life, my entire life. I
know how deep her heart went, Phan. She loved you and
Noah like you were her own. Both of you."
"I know." Phan's whisper grew hoarse and he coughed.
"She... she called me, when she was helping Noah learn
your favorite recipes. To tell me he was a good fit with
you. And to... to tell me that she loved me and I was
always welcome in her kitchen. No matter what." And
with that, he started to cry.
Noah cleared his throat. "Mrs. M," he said softly, his
own voice full of emotion. "You'd be so proud of Phan. I
mean, I know you pretended not to know about this
stuff, but he's come so far, he's so trusting now, and...
and he's been a great friend to me. And he keeps your
kitchen neat. He's been known to yell at me for not
putting the wooden spoons away in the right place."
Noah swiped at one eye with the back of his hand, but
he laughed softly, smiling. "And Tobias is everything
you promised me he'd be."
Phan cried hard and Tobias held him tight, soothing the
tremors and tearing up at Noah's words. He was right
about all of it -- about Phan, about her pretending not to
know but letting them all lead their lives and be loved
Safe Words: A Deviations Novel - 340
for who they were, and about Phan being a bit ridiculous
about the spoons. He hoped that Noah was right about
him living up to the promises she'd made.
He hoped that she had been proud of him. He hoped he'd
earned it.
In his arms, Phan nodded. "I hope I learned enough from
her. Not about cleaning and stuff, but about being good
and kind and open."
Noah finished fussing with the flowers and joined them.
"I hope we all have."
"You have." Tobias nodded, sure of that, if nothing else
in his life. "You are both the most caring, giving people
I know. You share, you love, you devote yourselves to
each other and me. You're unselfish and generous with
your souls. That is why she loved you, why I love you.
So, while we miss her every day, please console
yourselves with knowing you were lights in her life."
Noah tucked his hand into Tobias' and gave it a squeeze.
"And what about you? You know how much you meant
to her, how proud she was of you, right? It showed all
the time, every time she talked about you."
"I like to think that, while I may have often confused
and confounded her, she wasn't displeased with how I
turned out." He smiled and petted Phan as the sobs eased
off, then he looked at Noah. "You're right, and I'm being
disingenuous. She loved me like she loved her son,
Robert, and she never pulled any punches. She was
Safe Words: A Deviations Novel - 341
proud of me and happy with a great many of my
choices."
Noah nodded. "She was." Noah sighed and straightened
up. "I don't know why we waited so long to come out
here together; it was a good idea. Don't you think so,
Phan?"
Phan lifted a hand and wiped at his cheeks. "Uh-huh.
But next time I'm wearing a proper outfit, so she doesn't
get all confused at me."
Noah laughed. "Next time you can come in leather. You
know, be yourself."
"Exactly." Phan nodded and sat up a bit, moving away
from Tobias to hold his own weight. "And Sir can stay
in his suit, like normal, and you can... actually, I like the
suit on you. You should keep the look."
Tobias rolled his eyes. "See, Mrs. Miller? This is what
you left me with."
"And damn lucky he is, Elizabeth," Phan said with a
nod. "I'll take good care of them. I promise."
Tobias smiled to himself and nodded. "I'm sure you
will."
"Already does." Noah moved again, this time to get his
arms around Phan. "I love you, you know."
"You do?" Phan's eyes went wide. "Sir, did you know
about this?"
Safe Words: A Deviations Novel - 342
"Okay, we're done." Tobias stood up and shook his
head. "Phantom, behave."
Phan grinned and kissed Noah. "I love you, too. So
much."
Noah laughed and struggled to his feet, still tangled up
in Phan. "Bye, Mrs. M."
"See you in a while, Elizabeth." Phan kissed his fingers
and pressed them to the headstone. "Ready, sir."
Tobias took their hands and nodded. "We'll be back.
Until next time, Mrs. Miller. I love you." He turned and
walked them back to the car, enjoying the sunshine.
They'd done well, and he hoped Phan would come back
as the fancy struck him. It wasn't a bad thing to
remember being loved by someone who'd passed away.
They could all draw strength from it, from their
memories of her.
He knew he did.
Safe Words: A Deviations Novel - 343
Chapter 21
Tobias stood in the aisle of the stable and watched
quietly as first the stalls and then the ring were explored.
He never minded showing off his space -- this
introduction to his work was one of the things he really
looked forward to on these weekends, and the Doms
currently opening chests and closets and testing chains
were well aware of how elaborate his set-up was.
"You are welcome to make use of the space at your
discretion," Tobias said when they were all in the ring.
"The schedule of the weekend allows you ample time to
play if you wish. There are also areas within the guest
house where you can simply relax, and if you need
something specific for your submissive, I'll do my best
to accommodate you. Most of the instruction time will
be here, in the ring, due to space, but we'll also meet for
discussion." He looked around and smiled. "Any
questions so far?"
"Are we able to take, say, some of the bondage tools
back to the guest house?" one of the Doms asked from a
few feet away. Tobias couldn't have been more pleased
that Hayden had called him and inquired about some
guidance with Brian, or about his interest in the less
pain-related and more intense mental aspects of
domination. "Gags, cuffs, rope... that sort of thing?"
Safe Words: A Deviations Novel - 344
"Absolutely." Tobias nodded. "The expectation is, of
course, that they'll be cleaned and returned to the same [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]