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had made her grow up a little bit more. She d pretended he didn t exist for too long.  We were both so
stubborn. But I was too afraid to see you, to talk to you.
 Why?
He raised his eyebrows as he asked the question, his gaze probing hers.
 Because I was afraid of my own weakness, Devin. Even now, standing this close to him, knowing
what she did, she wanted him. Even as she fought to be heard, understood, she wanted to touch him, taste
him. Even more than before, knowing what he d been through. Now she longed to touch, to marvel at every
square inch of his body. Oh, it was downright foolish, but she d never had another lover. She d never
wanted one. In her heart she d known no one would measure up to Dev.
 I was afraid that what would happen was exactly what did happen. She let a shy smile creep up her
lips.  We ended up in bed.
But instead of the teasing grin she expected, he scowled, turning his head away.
 There s another reason why I didn t come after you, he muttered darkly. She stared at the stubborn
jut of his chin, wondering what else she could have possibly done wrong all those years ago. Hadn t she
been punished enough?
Her temper started to get the better of her and she lifted her chin.  Please, she said coldly,  tell me
what else I did wrong. We might as well catalogue them all now and get it over with.
He turned back to her, his blue eyes blazing icily with resentment.
 Oh, it s not you. The words were almost a snarl, and he took a deep breath. The exhale came on a
shudder that told her exactly how upset he was.
 How could I have asked you to come back, when I knew the treatment I d had probably made me
unable to give you the children we wanted?
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Chapter Ten
Ella s hands immediately went to her stomach, almost as a confirmation of the life that was growing
within her. There wasn t even a telltale bump beneath her fingers, or movement of any sort. But it was
there, growing, changing. Dev s child that he was afraid he could never have.
 But today& and the condom, Ella said, confused.
 It was never a definite diagnosis, he replied, the edges of his words sharp as glass.
Ella thought back to the night they d shared.  And at the cabin& 
 I forgot. It s not right, but then today when you said it wasn t necessary, I figured you were on the
pill or something anyway. He looked away, went back to the dining table and picked up his water glass,
taking a sip of the water while Ella stared after him. At this moment he was so changed from the carefree,
contented boy she d known. They d whispered plans in the dark, not just about what they would do but
dreams of having their own family. A family with a mother and a father, one where the children were
wanted and nurtured and could witness what a real, healthy relationship was like. A family like she d never
had. One he d understood she always wanted. Now they were reduced to talking about birth control and
mistakes.
Her hands still cradled her stomach, protecting. She and Dev didn t have that kind of relationship any
longer. Since seeing him they d been on opposite sides time and again. And yet, how could she keep the
baby a secret? How could she let him go on believing that he couldn t be a father, when she knew he
already was to a bundle of cells they d made together?
 Devin, she began, unsure of what to say. This was no longer about the story. She wouldn t turn in
the article she was assigned. Any doubts she had on that score had fled. She couldn t wouldn t exploit
him that way.  Devin, did the doctors specifically say you couldn t have children?
He put the glass down on the table and she could tell by the stubborn set of his jaw that he was
beginning to isolate himself. After all that had come out tonight, it was the last thing she wanted. Things
were finally starting to make sense. His illness had changed everything for him then and it was changing
everything for her now. Her old judgments no longer held.
 They said the treatments could affect my fertility and that I could have problems fathering a child, if
at all.
 And so you gave up on us? Is this the real reason? She took a step forward, her heart clubbing. She
needed to hear his answer, craved it.
Donna Alward
 You already had said you wanted a divorce. What did I have that could bring you back? My savings
were gone, I wasn t sure if the cancer would return and the family we wanted was a pipe dream.
 But you never signed the papers&  She led him along with the question.
 As I said before, I wanted you to look me in the eye and ask. I didn t want it to be easy for you. It
sure as hell wasn t easy for me.
His brow wrinkled a bit, as if he were trying to puzzle out where she was going. Ella felt a sting
behind her eyes as she took one more step, trying hard not to hope.
 And today when you ripped the papers?
Finally, he made a move, taking a step across the carpeted floor to meet her. She watched him
swallow, his Adam s apple bobbing and his chest falling slightly as he exhaled. He lifted his hand, grazed
her cheek with his thumb.  I can t seem to stay away from you, Ell. I m with you and I want to touch you.
I d rather argue with you than not talk at all. And I d rather make love than argue. I agreed to come tonight
because I thought you deserved to know the truth. I don t want a divorce. But you need to know that if we
try to work this out, we might never have a family.
Ella s nerve endings were working overtime, in tune to the sound of his voice and the light touch upon
her cheek. Stay married? That was what he wanted? Impossible. Their lives weren t even in the same city,
and soon they would not even be in the same state. And yet a part of her thrilled to hear him say it. Her
heart hummed with the possibility of being with him, pulsed with the knowledge that he wanted to be with
her.
 Did I say I wanted to try to work things out?
He shook his head, his gaze holding hers captive.  No. But if cancer taught me anything, it s how to
hope.
She was defenseless against that argument. So many things were getting jumbled up. Her job, their
relationship, their baby. A triangle of confusion and she wasn t sure they could reconcile any of them.
 I came here to find a story.
 And did you?
She thought of Betty, and Dev, and the baby.  Not the one I thought. I won t use your disease to
further my career. She looked into his piercing blue eyes.  I ll find another way.
His body was so close she knew one small move and she would be in his arms. But not yet. If she
were going to do this and she had to, or else she d be awake all night she had to keep her head straight.
She couldn t do that while she was in his arms. His gaze dropped to her lips and she took a step backward.
 What story did you find, Ell?
His voice was silky-smooth, seductive, and it nearly made her body weep with want. Suddenly the
knowledge that she was carrying his child was unbearably sexy a connection tethering them together
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Sold to the Highest Bidder
stronger than any other thread of the past. She reached out and took his hand, placed it on the soft fabric of
her dress just below her waist.
 You can have children, Devin, she murmured, feeling her heart catch.  I know because I m carrying [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]